Terrible Twos
by LemonPOPtart
Summary: Charlie and Jordan experience the joys of living with an energetic twoyearold. One Shot


**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Numb3rs_. I'm just borrowing the characters. I promise to put them back. Even Charlie. ;) Jordan and Riley are mine, and are purely fictional.

**A/N: **Since Charlie Eppes is my very favorite character on 'Numb3rs', I thought it would be fun to give him a girl who loves him. If you don't like pairings or 'ships, just skip this one. To those of you who do, I hope you enjoy. :)

To those of you reading my Charlie - Jordan stories, this one takes place just before, "Gale Force".

Many, MANY thanks to Antoinette! You are the BEST beta editor! Thanks so very much!!

Many thanks to elysium1996.

This ficlet is dedicated to anyone who has ever lived with a toddler. ;) LOL

* * *

It was after midnight, on a Friday night. Two-and-a-half year-old Riley Eppes got up from her toddler bed, put on her pink glasses, and quietly walked out of her room. She looked down the hallway. Carefully, and quietly, she passed her grandpop's closed bedroom door. She saw that her parents' bedroom door was open a few inches. Riley put her hand on the door, opening it further. She walked over to the bed quietly, watching her parents sleep. They didn't stir. Riley grinned to herself as she quietly left their bedroom. She padded down the hallway to the bathroom. She flipped on the light, and closed the door.

Charlie woke up. He thought he'd heard a sound. He looked at his wife Jordan, who was curled up next to him, sound asleep. Quietly, he eased himself out of bed.

Jordan felt him move, and woke up. "Charlie? Is something wrong?"

"Shh. It's okay. I'll be right back." He stepped into the hall. He noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar, with the light on. He could hear his daughter, chattering quietly to herself. He opened the bathroom door and stepped inside. "Riley!"

Riley jumped, startled. Her huge brown eyes looked up at him innocently. "Hi Daddy."

Charlie realized he was standing in water. "What the...?" He looked in amazement. His daughter was standing in the middle of the bathroom. The faucet in the sink was on, and water overflowed the sink and had flooded the bathroom.

"Riley! What did you do?"

Tears welled up in Riley's dark eyes. Her bottom lip came out, in to what Jordan referred to as, "the boo-boo lip". She shook her head, her dark curls bobbing around her face. "I so-wee Daddy."

Charlie took a step towards the sink to turn the water off, when suddenly he stepped in something thick and slippery. Charlie's feet shot out from under him, and he came down hard on his backside on the tiled floor. It was all he could do to not swear.

Riley squealed and clapped her hands. "Yay, Daddy!"

She turned, picked up a toy, opened the lid of the toilet, and dropped it in. She reached for the handle to flush it.

"Riley! No!"

She frowned. "But I wike it to swim."

Having heard the commotion, Jordan came running down the hall. She stopped in the doorway. "What the...?" She looked over at Charlie. "Oh my God! Charlie, are you okay?"

"I think so," he grimaced.

Jordan stepped carefully to the sink and turned the water off. She didn't see anything plugging the drain. She knew that whatever the culprit was, it was in the pipe.

Charlie looked to see what he'd stepped in. Shampoo. A nice big puddle of shampoo had been squeezed out onto the floor.

"I think we're out of shampoo," he told her dryly, and held up the empty bottle.

Jordan looked sternly at her daughter. "Riley Margaret Eppes. What did you do?"

Riley's eyes widened, and out came the bottom lip. "I so-wee Mommy."

Jordan shook her head. "That face doesn't work on me, young lady. You are in trouble."

Charlie started getting up. Jordan held out her hand to help him, and he waved her off. "The floor's so slick, I'll just pull you down with me."

Alan appeared in the bathroom doorway. He stared open mouthed at the scene before him. He looked at his son. "Charlie, are you alright?'

"Yeah." Charlie carefully got up, trying not to slide back down a second time.

Jordan carefully stepped over, picked up her daughter, and set her directly into the tub. "Great. Just what I wanted to do. Give her a bath, and mop the floor at 3:00 A.M."

Charlie stood, peering into the sink. "Oh goody. I wonder what's stuck in there."

Alan shook his head. "I'll fix it in the morning. While I'm at it, I'll put some locks on the bathroom cabinets so this doesn't happen again."

Charlie shook his head. "No Dad. It's my house. My daughter did this. I'll get the locks and fix the sink."

Alan looked at Charlie. "No. You'll let me fix it. If you try to fix it, we'll end up having to call someone out."

Charlie gave his father a look, and went to get the mop.

Alan winked at Jordan, and she grinned at him. "Thank you," she mouthed.

Forty minutes later, Riley was clean, dry, and in bed asleep, sucking her middle and ring fingers, and clutching her tesseract.

Alan was in bed asleep.

Charlie and Jordan were finally crawling into bed. "Dang that little toot." Jordan muttered. "Thank goodness you're off work tomorrow."

Charlie laughed. "Dad warned us about this age." He pulled her close and kissed her. She cuddled against him, and soon they were asleep.

* * *

Charlie was sore the next morning. His hip, bottom, back, and right arm ached. Jordan had insisted on giving him Tylenol, which he gratefully accepted. Charlie decided that despite being sore, he would do some yard work. He put on old jeans and a tee shirt, and went outside.

Alan was in the bathroom, pulling Legos, wet tissue, and a small ball out of the sink pipe.

Jordan was cleaning out the hall closet. She finished stacking everything neatly, and walked outside to check her tomato plants.

Charlie had been amused when she'd first planted them. She was a terrible gardener, and usually killed every plant. Alan was trying to teach her about gardening, but she was a poor pupil, and still had been unable to grow anything. Until the tomatoes. Her tomato plants were so tall and full, they could barely stay upright. So, Alan had staked them for her. The plants produced huge, deep red tomatoes, and Jordan was very proud of them. Today she picked three huge tomatoes. Happily she carried them inside, and placed them on the kitchen counter. She would make lunch soon, and the tomatoes would be great.

Peering into the den, Jordan saw that Riley was playing with her blocks and watching "The Wiggles".

Looking into the dining room, she saw that Charlie had left a few of his books on the table. She gathered them up, and carried them upstairs.

Charlie came inside, and headed for the kitchen. He attempted to wash his hands at the sink. No water. His dad still had it turned off. He sighed, and got himself a bottle of water from the fridge. He leaned against the counter with his water.

Jordan walked into the kitchen. She looked at Charlie. She smiled at him, and plucked a leaf from his hair. "What on earth were you doing out there?"

He laughed. "Trimmed the hedges and raked the front."

"I thought you were sore?"

"Oh, trust me. I am." He gave her a little smile.

Jordan looked around. "Umm..."

"What?" He looked at her.

"Did you see the tomatoes?"

"Charlie looked around. "Tomatoes?"

Jordan wondered if she was losing her marbles. "Yes. I just picked three big tomatoes for lunch. I set them right here." She pointed at the counter.

Charlie shook his head and smiled. "Maybe you just thought you did."

Jordan was immediately irritated. "Look, I'm telling you I picked three tomatoes and I set them right here."

Charlie snorted. "Boy, you're grouchy when you haven't had much sleep."

Jordan shot him a murderous look, just as Alan entered the kitchen. He had Riley by the hand.

"I'm about to turn the water back on. And, to let you know, Riley has already had lunch," Alan announced.

"What?" Jordan momentarily forgot her irritation with Charlie.

Riley's chin, and the front of her shirt, was covered with tomato seeds.

"Riley! Did you eat the tomatoes?"

"Mmm Hmm, I ate thwee." she smiled proudly.

Charlie laughed.

Jordan glared at him.

Alan grinned.

Jordan sighed, shook her head, and took Riley by the hand. "Let's go get you cleaned up, while your 'father' makes lunch."

Alan headed out to turn the water back on.

Don walked in. "Hello?"

"In the kitchen." Charlie called.

Don walked in, and found his brother making sandwiches.

Charlie looked up. "Hey Don. You want a sandwich?"

"What kind?"

"Roast beef."

"Sure. Thanks."

Charlie made his brother a sandwich, as Don poured himself a glass of tea. Don noticed that Charlie looked exhausted. "You okay, Buddy?"

"Fine."

The two walked outside to the patio, where they were joined by Alan, Jordan, and Riley. Everyone got their sandwich and iced tea, and sat down.

Don chewed his sandwich and surveyed his family. They looked exhausted. Charlie and Jordan both had puffy, red eyes. Alan yawned. Riley put her fingers in her mouth, and laid her head on Don's knee. Don set his plate aside, and pulled his niece into his lap.

"Did something happen last night?"

Don felt three pairs of eyes on him.

"Your niece..." Charlie began.

"Want to babysit?" Jordan asked sweetly.

Alan laughed. "What your brother and sister-in-law are trying to say, is that Riley has hit her terrible twos."

Charlie rolled his eyes, and looked at Don. "What 'your brother' is 'trying' to say, Don, is that you and your girlfriend may want to think long and hard before you decide to have kids."

"Aww! It can't be that bad!" Don insisted. He looked down into Riley's tiny face. She had fallen asleep in his arms. The child was beautiful. And, at that moment, she looked absolutely angelic. "Look at her."

Jordan grinned. "Don't be fooled. You should see the bruises Charlie has."

Charlie turned red. "It's not that bad."

"Oh really! Have you taken a good 'look' at your bottom? Well, I sure have!"

Don and Alan started laughing, hard. Jordan suddenly realized what she said, and turned bright red. "Umm. Never mind."

"Serves you right." Charlie laughed.

Jordan got up and reached for her daughter. "Umm. I'm going to go put her down for a nap," she muttered. She would not look at Don.

Don grinned, and bent over, trying to meet Jordan's eyes. Her blush deepened, as she pulled Riley into her arms, and all but ran into the house.

"I think I'll stay out here for a while, where it's safe." Charlie grinned.

Alan laughed. "I don't blame you."

"So, what happened last night?" Don was dying of curiosity.

Alan looked at his oldest. "Ever read the comic strip, 'The Family Circus'?"

Charlie looked at his father and shook his head. "Umm, Dad, I was thinking more of 'The Omen'."

_**THE END **_


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